Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Final Exam

Spoken Word: Words of Advice

When you walk into a new school and you want to hide and not say a word,
speak up.
It's your right to be noticed.
When the girl sitting next to you in math class says hello,
keep the conversation going.
She's your first friend.
When you see that lunch table full of pretty girls,
sit down with them.
They're too insecure to ask you.
When that girl with black hair, black lips, dark eyeliner, and cuts on her arms looks in your direction, Smile.
She's doesn't want to go home today.
When that good-looking boy says you look nice,
say thank you.
That's what he's looking for.
When your best friend asks you if you seriously talk to the "stoner kids",
Say yes.
Tell her she should too.
When the captain of the football team says that you shouldn't talk to that gay kid anymore,
Tell him to give you one good reason.
He won't say a word.
When that kid tells you that you're selfish and you don't care about him,
Say goodbye.
I swear to you,
He is not worth your time.
When that new kid walks into your school and she wants to hide and not say a word,
Tell her to speak up.

A Modest Proposal: The Dark Side(satire)

      I have explored the depths of Twitter. I know what is needed in a tweet to gain a satisfying amount of favorites. I'm a master at instagraming and I am among the most talented at snapchatting. However, throughout all of my experiences in the world of social media, I have also witnessed the dark side. I have seen how people hide behind their phone screens and hate, hate hate. I have seen people base their entire social status on the number of likes/favorites they get. This, my friends, is a true problem.
     Three out of five American kids witness bullying on their favorite social media accounts everyday. Take a look at the comments on your best friends picture, You'll most likely see a few subtly rude comments about the way her hair looks or the shirt she's wearing. If you could view someone's DMs on their twitter account, you would see that just about everyone has a little fight going on between them and their ex-boyfriends new girl. Listen hard to the conversations that group of girls are having in lunch. "She only got like fifty likes on that selfie.","I checked and only one guy liked her picture!", "Ew did you see her caption?". All of those are things that you would definitely hear within the first ten minutes. Ask yourselves, should these people really have the privilege of using these social media networks?
      I have deeply considered this question and many of the solutions to it. After much thought I have come to the conclusion that there is only one effective way to solve the issue. People who consciously decide to use their accounts to spread hate, should be sent, along with their phones to an already decided island in the Caribbean with no connection to Wi-Fi. There they can dwell, for the rest of their lives, on their mistakes. They can stare at their phones, going crazy, only wishing there was some connection so they could fulfill their guilty pleasures. You might ask how they could possibly be convinced to leave their homes and be brought to the island, well I have the answer to that question as well. They would be abducted in the night with a note left for their families explaining where they are and a brochure that lists the conditions they will be held in and the days available for family/friend visits. Check the already printed information packet for details.
     One may ask, "How does approving this proposal benefit me?". Well, my friends, the answer is all too simple. People spend their whole lives looking for peace and happiness in one form or another. Is being free from having to constantly worry about you child being a subject to harmful comments not a form of peace? Parents want noting more than for their kids to grow up in a safe, judgment free environment where they can express themselves. By eliminating the people that threaten that idea, parents and children alike can rest assured that they can use social media without suffering any kind of onsequences.
     The families will almost certainly have objections but I have thoughtfully anticipated these as well. They will suggest that this far too extreme, that it's much too harsh, that we have no right to do such an uncivil thing to their children. Let me ask them the question, is it really too extreme? Or was the act of you or your child deciding they could be mean to someone by abusing their social media accounts the extreme action? Let me ask a few questions, was it not harsh for you or your child to use the privilege of todays social media world to make someone else's life worse? Was there anything civil about commenting destructive statements on that girl's selfie or tweeting about how bad that guy did in his baseball game? Answer those questions.
      All in all, there are a number of advantages to approving my plan. Parents will not need to monitor their children's use of social media accounts to ensure that they wont be judged. Instead they can have peace of mind knowing that the people that previously abused their rights to social media are taken care of and wont be causing trouble any longer. Just the idea that wrong doers will not go unpunished is an advantage in itself. To sum it up, the people who live in the light of the social media world will no longer have to avoid the darkness because it will be exposed.
      Others have proposed another idea. They think that filters should be designed to that when one wants to post a comment or picture it will be edited of all rude language/intent or otherwise declined in order to ensure that everything posted will be respectful and suitable for viewing. These I can promise, will prove to be unreliable and leave our society with the same problem. For this very reason I implore you to consider my modest proposal as the most effective solution to this issue.

Self Deprecation: Electric Red
           People say the first thing someone new notices about you is something like your smile or other facial features, and in my case nothing is more true. Oh yay, It’s the first day of school! Alright so I have English first, okay good I’m at the right room. I’d better go in now so I can find a seat, oh gosh who are these people? I don’t know anyone and everyone is looking at me! My face starts warming up and feeling a little weird, my heart is beating really fast now. Ugh great it’s happening; stupid face. I scan the room another time and this time I notice Abby. Walking over makes my face glow just a little brighter, which is fantastic because I love it when my face grabs all the attention in a room. “ Dude your face is so red!” Thanks Abby, I couldn’t tell.

            In case you didn’t catch what I was just trying to explain, I’ll sum it up for you. I blush. But don’t be fooled by that statement and picture something cute like my cheekbones turning a little pink when I’m flattered or flustered. No, my face does this thing where in different kinds of situations it decides against my will, that it’s going to turn the brightest shade of red on the color wheel (That would be electric red, I looked it up). At first people will just stare or laugh- but it doesn’t end there.

            Sometimes while in school and the teacher asks the class for an response and I’m so confident in my answer that I’ll do something stupid like raise my hand. Everything is fine up to that point, but if the teacher decides to call on me, that’s when it happens. “Yes Maggie?” Wait, me? Um why did I put my hand up again and why does everyone have to turn and look in my direction just to hear me talk? I’m just about give my explanation when my face gets this really weird feeling that kind of makes my head feel like it’s pumped up like a balloon and there's a pressure monitor that says I'm in the red zone and that balloon we talked about is about to explode. After I’ve answered and everyone is thoroughly amused, some really considerate person decides to remind me, “Maggie, oh my goodness your face just turned bright red!” Thank you so much you sweet gift of a human, I had no idea what was going on with my own face. Thank goodness I have you to remind me! Some people are just so nice.

            Now, just picture becoming friends with someone that you find really cute, and really hilarious, so hilarious that every time he makes a joke you not only laugh, you also blush( totally hypothetical). Anyways, in Science he might say something really funny, and the first time I blush he’ll just forget about it, but the next time he asks me why. “Every time you laugh at me you get all red, why do you do that?” Oh I do? That’s really weird I don’t know why that happens? I just played it off and acted clueless (so smooth I know.) He thought that was a pretty stupid answer but he's way to polite to show it so he just turns back around. Next time I blush he starts to get it, Maggie plus embarrassment/a joke equals a red face. Now he needs to test his hypothesis, it's science class after all. Next class he tries really hard to make me laugh and sometimes make me look dumb. Every time he is successful because my face turns hot as the sun and glows so bright that it’s kind of hard for him to look at. It’s time to take action. It’s F period English and everyone is quietly at work on a five paragraph essay, the prompt is A Good Friend. Mrs. Crandall stands up to give a little instruction, this is his opportunity. “Hey everybody look at Maggie, she blushes!” All eyes on me and they get what they came for, my face is once again electric red and I stutter then turn my head toward the wall and hide it with my hand, just another smooth move by Maggie.

            My weakness is now revealed. “Hey Maggie!” I laugh because the face he made was funny but my laughter comes at a price. “Haha see, look how red her face gets!” “Maggie your face just got so red!” “Oh my gosh Maggie do you like him? You just blushed so bad when he was talking to you!” Yes, not only does my face turn red when I’m embarrassed or I laugh, but you might also want to know that it’s the equivalent of a big alarm that goes off whenever I “like” someone, awesome right? “Uh wait so you’re saying that if I can get you to blush I’ll finally know if you like me or not?” It’s no secret anymore. You could ask me “Why does your face get so red” and with a pinch of sass I’ll probably say it’s a gift, enjoy.

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