Thursday, January 8, 2015

A Modest Proposal: The Dark Side(satire)

      I have explored the depths of twitter. I know what is needed in a tweet to gain a satisfying amount of favorites. I'm a master at instagraming and I am among the most talented at snapchatting. However, throughout all of my experiences in the world of social media, I have also witnessed the dark side. I have seen how people hide behind their phone screens and hate. I have seen people base their entire social status on the number of likes/favorites they get. This, my friends, is a true problem.
     Three out of five American kids witness bullying on their favorite social media accounts everyday. Take a look at the comments on your best friends picture, You'll most likely see a few subtly  rude comments about the way her hair looks or the shirt she's wearing. If you could view someone's DMs on their twitter account, you would see that just about everyone has a little fight going on between them and their ex-boyfriends new girl. Listen hard to the conversations that group of girls are having in lunch. "She only got like fifty likes on that selfie.","I checked and only one guy liked her picture!", "Ew did you see her caption?". All of those are things that you would definitely hear within the first ten minutes. Ask yourselves, should these people really have the privilege of using these social media networks?
      I have deeply considered this question and many of the solutions to it. After much thought I have come to the conclusion that there is only one effective way to solve the issue. People who consciously decide to use their accounts to spread hate, should be sent, along with their phones to an already decided island in the Caribbean with no connection to Wi-Fi. There they can dwell, for the rest of their lives, on their mistakes. They can stare at their phones, going crazy, only wishing there was some connection so they could fulfill their guilty pleasures. You might ask how they could possibly be convinced to leave their homes and be brought to the island, well I have the answer to that question as well. They would be abducted in the night with a note left for their families explaining where they are and a brochure that lists the conditions they will be held in and the days available for family/friend visits. Check the already printed information packet for details.
     One may ask, "How does approving this proposal benefit me?". Well, my friends, the answer is all too simple. People spend their whole lives looking for peace and happiness in one form or another. Is not having to constantly worry about you child being a subject to harmful comments not a form of peace? Parents want noting more than for their kids to grow up in a safe, judgment free environment where they can express themselves. By eliminating the people that threaten that idea, Parents and children alike can rest assured that they can use social media without suffering any kind of negative consequences.
     The families will almost certainly have objections but I have thoughtfully anticipated these as well. They will suggest that this far too extreme, that it's much too harsh, that we have no right to do such an uncivil thing to their children. Let me ask them the question, is it really too extreme? Or was the act of you or your child deciding they could be mean to someone by abusing their social media accounts the extreme action? Let me ask a few questions, was it not harsh for you or your child to use the privilege of todays social media world to make someone else's life worse? Was there anything civil about commenting rude statements on that girl's selfie or tweeting about how bad that guy did in his baseball game? Answer those questions.
      All in all, there are a number of advantages to approving my plan. Parents will not need to monitor their children's use of social media accounts to ensure that they wont be judged. Instead they can have peace of mind knowing that the people that previously abused their rights to social media are taken care of and wont be causing trouble any longer. Just the idea that wrong doers will not go unpunished is an advantage in itself. To sum it up, the people to live in the light of the social media world will no longer have to avoid the darkness because it will be exposed.
      Others have proposed another idea. They think that filters should be designed to that when one wants to post a comment or picture it will be edited of all rude language/intent or otherwise declined in order to ensure that everything posted will be respectful and suitable for viewing. These I can promise, will prove to be unreliable and leave our society with the same problem. For this very reason I implore you to consider my modest proposal as the most effective solution to this issue.

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